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Couple years ago, I mentioned to a manager that my arthritis makes it hard for me to work both Friday and Saturday, the two busiest nights of the week, and also the longest, since we close an hour later those nights. I just didn't want to have to work both nights, one after the other, but I ended up usually getting both nights off. But the economy is worse now, and the powers that be have decided they can't afford to pay someone to just wash dishes on Monday and Tuesday, the slowest nights of the week. Those nights, they want a cook to do dishes, so he can go back and forth between dishwashing and cooking. Which means I have those nights off, which means I have to work both Friday and Saturday from now on. Though occasionally, if I ask for one of the nights off for some reason, the manager said he could work something out. But most weeks, I gotta work Fri & Sat, which is hard on my arthritis, but at least it's a couple more hours a week than I usually get, so that's good for my pay... though it doesn't seem to work out to more than an extra $10 or $15 dollars for the week, maybe. So anyway. "Weekend" kind of doesn't mean anything to me anymore. And I've worked almost every Sunday that I've been at this job for the past 3 years.

But, Sundays are good. They're usually not too busy, though sometimes they can be. At least we close an hour early. (Mon-Thu 10pm, Fri-Sat 11, Sun 9), but of course "close" doesn't mean I go home. Depending on any number of factors, I could end up staying anywhere from about a half hour to two hours past close. Whenever the work gets done. It's unpredictable.

Tonight after work, I expect I'll go to a Halloween party that someone from work is having. I might also go to someone else's party on Halloween itself, but that depends on whether I get the night off or not.... It's one thing to go out on Sunday, when I should be done work, by 10:30 at the latest; it's another to go out on Saturday, when I'll probably be working til around midnight. Though I'm sure these kids I work with would keep partying for a few hours later than that, I'm old. At least I feel old. Also I'm not really a party person, I am uncomfortable in crowds, even if I know most of the people, and I don't like really loud music or people getting way drunker than I have any desire to ever get. But whatever. I do need to try to socialize more. Even if it mostly means making an appearance, having a couple of beers, and doing relatively little actual talking. I'll mostly just sit around, but at least it'll be nice to have some friendly faces around. And maybe if I do this, some of them will one day agree to sit around and relatively quietly watch DVDs with me or something....

Last night wasn't what I'd call fun. It was in an Elk's lodge. It was dark. The music was too loud. There were people I didn't know, though I didn't really have to talk to them or anything. Most people there were pretty drunk, which is always annoying. But still, it's nice to see some people from work outside of work. And I did have a few beers, and some pizza. Though honestly, I'd almost say actually being at work before the party was better than the party itself. Probably the best part of the day was at work, before I started my shift, just sitting and talking for a few minutes with my friend Meghan, who tends bar at the restaurant.

Meanwhile, I guess Tyson, another guy who works at Ruby Tuesday with me, is going to have a party at his place on Saturday. I had requested Halloween off at least a month ago, before they changed my schedule to work every Friday and Saturday, so I wasn't sure at this point if I'd get it or not. The schedule for next week (which runs from Wednesday to Tuesday) was posted last night, and I saw that I did have Saturday off, as well as Monday and Tuesday. I can't really afford to have 3 days off, but I decided I'm not going to bother worrying about it. I'll get by. Though I do feel it's possible whoever's scheduled to work my Saturday shift could ask me to cover it. So I'm not going to make any definite plans for that night. But most likely I'll go to Tyson's. We'll see.

Meanwhile, I do have today and tomorrow off (the last two days of this work week), which is in a way my weekend. I'll try to enjoy myself. Need to catch up on some DVR, maybe do a little writing if I find time...

Oh, and I definitely do think it's a good idea to invite more than one person to my place. I dunno about a big group, since it's such a tiny apartment, and also it's practically impossible to find a time when even one person is free at the same time I am, let alone trying to find a time when two or three friends are free. Everyone's got different work schedules, and most of the people at work are still in college, so that takes up time, and they have homework, and they have social lives, other friends to hang with, and whatnot. But yeah, I feel a bit awkward about just inviting one friend over, especially since most of my friends seem to be girls. I don't think my personality is particularly masculine... hell, most of the girls I know probably act more stereotypically like guys than I do. But I don't really think there's much point in assigning social roles based on gender, these days. I'm not sure I completely understand gender-based stereotypes in the first place, but it does seem to be based on how people behaved and thought up until the 1950s, at the latest. But stereotypes persist nevertheless, and I think girls can be offended by certain "male" behavior that they themselves engage in just as much, if not more. Whereas I... I don't really think or act much like anyone, but certainly not like guys. I guess... I do see a slight difference between the sexes, to some degree, and yes, I'm more like girls. ...But even they tend to be too... meh, I dunno. Whatever.

Where was I? Um. So, yeah, I try to invite more than one person, but at the same time, I feel a bit awkward about that, as well. I almost feel like I'm saying one person isn't good enough, or like not that special to me, like... why wouldn't i want to spend time one-on-one with a friend? So, I dunno. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Everything feels wrong to me. And again, there are scheduling issues. But I am getting to a point where I can genuinely believe that people like me, even if they don't spend much time with me outside of work. Though my paranoia frequently makes me worry that at any moment, for any reason or no reason at all, any of my friends could suddenly decide they don't like me anymore. No matter how often they assure me that's not the case. And then I begin to worry it must be annoying for them to have to constantly reassure me about that....